- I guess writing, but here again I don’t know why. It feels good to write. I like hearing the keys click quicker and quicker the easier things come to me. But this doesn’t happen much on the iPad. It sounds clicky but isn’t actually clicky.
- I am passionate about performing, and I know that for sure. I even have a reason, maybe two: a) it makes me feel like people must like me when they applaud, and b) I get to be someone else for awhile. This second one isn’t as important anymore because my life is lovely, and goshdarnit, I kinda like myself.
GAH. I don’t know anymore! Can it be that I only have two passions? Am I just too confused by the other blog I read? Help me, dear friends. Maybe you know me better than I know myself.
Remember when I purposely threw up a crappy post to prevent myself from going a week without posting? And how that was the last post I wrote? And how that was over a week ago? Yeah… About that.
I just haven’t been feeling it lately. Truthfully, it’s easier to blog when I work because I get bored and wander to my blog. That’s terrible. Plus, you guys, the Olympics are way too engrossing. I’ve had them on in the background whenever I’m home (except right now because Packer football, bitches!). I doubt I’ll be as bored and have as much free time at my next job, so I guess I need to bite the bullet and figure out a time to blog on a regular basis. It’s just so much easier to be lazy! Soooo much easier…
OK, this is me no longer writing this lame entry so I can focus on the other one I started over a week ago.
WELL. I started working on Day 8 on Friday, but it’s hard. Then, I started the first of what I plan will be many Friday rants about whatever was on my mind (the Olympics, this time), but I didn’t finish that either. The weekend was craaazy busy and tiring with my church’s big deal – the Corn Boil, so I didn’t get to anything this weekend. Finally, I’m going out of town tomorrow until Tuesday. All of this means that you will be stuck with a brief and probably unfocused post that I am throwing up here so that it’s not a week between posts.
This will really be especially unfocused because I am watching the Olympics, and it is Men’s Gymnastics, and those dudes are FLYING through the air with the greatest of ease.
But I’m calling this my Weekend Hangover, and I think I’d like to make this the first of many posts where I can recap my random thoughts and experiences (provided I ever leave my house) from the weekend and share them with you. So, how was my weekend?
- THE OLYMPICS STARTED AND THE OPENING CEREMONIES WERE terrible. SORRY, LONDON! I actually really want to go there, and my friend Becca has been there and loved it, and I love your royals, and it seems beautiful, and hey, I don’t have to learn a new language to visit there which totally works with my laziness, but dang… Digital love story? That was the best way to recap what is probably the richest musical history any country in the world could offer?? I was so with them at the beginning – Kenneth Branagh doing Shakespeare? Yes. But it seemed like it took twenty minutes to get all that grass out of there, and the payoff was steel work? They made the rings, and that was cute, but it took an eternity. Guh… I think everyone is rethinking their views on communism after that.
- My church had its big yearly event this weekend – the Corn Boil. It rained. It’s an outdoor event, and it rained for the first half of it. Considering we all thought it would be a huge year with the drought threatening the corn crop (at one point, we were asked not to sell tickets, just in case) and it was the smallest in years, I think this will be a Corn Boil the church will try to quickly forget. Also, I was interviewed by a local TV station, and I had none of the stats he was asking for, so I came off like a total moron. I won’t even post the link to it because I sounded so inane.
- Honestly, that was my whole weekend. Watch Olympics, set up Corn Boil, nap, watch Olympics, sleep, church and Corn Boil, watch Olympics. I’m not complaining, although the whole weekend was damper than was anticipated, but still, this wasn’t a super interesting post. How’s about a couple links to tide you over?
- There was this from my friend Jenna about all the sex that happens in the Olympic Village. Super interesting and scandalous (obviously).
- How about an explanation from NBC about their callous and foolish cut of that terror attack tribute? There’s video too.
- And how about a trip to my friend Becca’s blog ? She is also doing the 30 day challenge, and rocking it, I might add.
- Last, I love Pride and Prejudice in almost every incarnation, and this one is my new happiness. What if Elizabeth had a vlog, tumblr, and twitter? Enjoy if you’re a Lit nerd like me.
Til Thursday (or Friday),
What is your dream job, and why?
I love my iPad , but blogging on this thing is the worst. And the WordPress app SOOKS. This is a pain. Anyway.
I could Make a joke and say I want to be a trophy wife, but this isn’t actually true. I would get bored. I could feed you a line and tell you I think I’m starting my dream career in less than a month when I start teaching, but I think I would be lying to myself as much as you. Don’t get me wrong – I truly believe I will love teaching. But the part I love most, for me, is being in front of people. Even people who are required by law to be there.
I want to be onstage. I don’t like admitting that – I feel like I’m too old for that. I want to act and dance and sing and be told by other people that they like what I do. (hey, that’s why I started a blog too!) But the fact is and was, I lack the talent to do it. I maybe could have acquired the talent, but I lack the motivation to do that.
I participated for years in community theatre in one of the most depressing cities in the US (I’m not just saying that, magazines decided that). And I was SURROUNDED by people more talented than I. People who did this for free and who were better. People younger getting better parts. And I thought I could do it as a job? Sad.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re either thinking a) “Kelley, stop throwing yourself a pity party and audition for something.” Or b) “But Kelley, you were great in (insert show here)!” To this I say, “I know. I’ll stop soon – promise.” and “You said great because you’re good friends, and I appreciate that a ton. But what you meant was enjoyable to watch, or above-average, or limber.”
I could never live performing. I would starve. I accept that and have chosen a career where I talk to a relatively captive audience five hours a day. So I’m good and will end my pity party. Between that and finally channeling some creativity into writing something, which I do daily now even if I don’t post, I’m really quite content. But the challenge wants honesty, so honesty it shall receive.
**update – I reread this blog, and damn if it isn’t totally depressing and bordering on self-loathing. Not my intention. I thought about it, and I decided that when I said I feel too old for my dream job, I should have said I feel too mature. Which is not to say that my friends who do shows regularly are immature. But the pragmatic, rational side of me ALWAYS screamed at me that I would not live a terribly comfortable life jumping from play to play. And, as it has my whole life, my rational side wins out. Remember when I switched from a Dance to an English major? There ya go.
So, sorry for the depressing blog. SO was not looking for pity or sympathy (or eye rolls) there. Can we blame it on my iPad being a difficult blogging tool, thus making me rush and not choose words well? Yes, let’s do that.
One of my starring roles, as the mayor of our fine city of “West Belvidere”
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
This post is going to suck. You should stop reading now…
Still here? That’s kind.
I’ve been really lucky. The only real hardships I’ve had in my life were pretty minor, and I just blew them out of proportion because that’s what I do. It’s fun – you should try it.
I had a hard time for a year or so in undergrad. Going back to school wasn’t the fun I was expecting. Having no money is never an especially easy time.
But really, I have had no real ailments, no big injuries. My parents never divorced or treated me badly. My family has always been relatively healthy. I’ve only had one grandparent pass. I’ve always had a group of friends upon which I can lean and rely. I scored a super-awesome dude to spend my life with. These are all good things.
So, my guess is that the hardest times in my life are still coming (I would go so far as to guarantee this), and that’s OK. I’ve been pretty damn lucky so far.
What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
Let’s be honest – it is a foregone conclusion that my husband, family, and friends make me happy. So, rather than waste your time waxing poetic on the patience of my husband, humor of my family, and support of my friends, I’ll instead be totally materialistic about this. Also, that’s way easier for me than writing about feelings (ick).
- Dollar store finds for my classroom – I’m trying to not spend too much money on my classroom, especially since I’m not entirely sure what will be left for me, I can scrounge up from others, how I’m going to organize it, etc. But dollar stores have such cute organize-y things and school supplies (including teacher stuff) that I get excited. I’m still under $20, so I’d say I’m doing just fine on not spending money. But it’s SO FUN!!!
- My mint denim shorts – I LOVE the color! I have nail polish that matches them perfectly! I got them ON SALE!!!
- My iPad – Ah, the ease and portability of a big touch screen. And it has games! And books! I just wish it would open my work email. Or maybe I don’t…
- Coffee – Especially the sweet flavors and deals I scored for my Keurig. Nummy. 4a goes to my new obsession – Sleepytime Tea. Random for a 95 degree day, sure, but still… why did none of you tell me about this deliciousness sooner?
- My house projects – Last weekend we painted our guest bedroom. Now, I’m painting a mirror to go in it. Next is hanging our art and memories from our wedding and finding bedding and curtains. It’s going to be so pretty! And I love that we have something in the works. It makes me feel accomplished. Also, it symbolizes the fact that we now have relatively stable double incomes, which has never happened in our married life. It feels good to have that stress lessened and to be able to put our energy into improving our house and making it something we love (and can also resell in 3-5 years).
10 5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
This is my favorite topic so far, although I’m finding it difficult to draft it. I was just so awesome at sixteen that I hardly needed my 27-year-old help. But, like, here goes…
- “In 10 years these teachers around you will be your co-workers and, some of them, friends. Be cool. You will learn that they do remember you (or are very good at faking it), and you will begin liking the ones you disliked and disliking the cool ones. Why, you ask, Little Kelley?” I was essentially the same height and weight then, but still, Little Kelley it is. “Because teaching is hard, and you didn’t really get that then, and you still kind of don’t, but you are learning it. And the ones who were difficult were teaching you something and getting you through while some of the ones you did like taught you basically nothing. Sometimes it’s unpopular to be good at your job. You’ll someday wear their practical flats and understand this.”
- “Do yourself, your parents, and your bank account a favor, and get your Teacher’s Certification in undergrad. Or at least listen to the people who make this suggestion and entertain the idea. Be an English major, take the Education classes, and minor in Dance or Theatre. You’ll be busy and happy, and you’ll be able to avoid that whole Rockford College debacle. For various reasons, you will come to believe that Rockford College is the post-secondary school of the devil, and you will be mostly right. You will still pursue an education there, have very little fun, and double your student loans for one semester. DOUBLE. That is not OK. On the flip side, you’ll meet some really cool people from far away lands, but… it’s kinda not worth the drama, anti-depressants, and money (oh, you’ll go on anti-depressants a few times in your life. They’re fun; enjoy).”
- “Take more risks and have more fun in college. You’ll graduate and wonder where all your good stories are. You won’t have many, and this will make you sad. It’ll be OK if you screw around – you can get away with stuff. You’re actually pretty smart, Little Kelley, and you can get out of stuff, procrastinate, and generally shirk responsibility more than you think you can. Live it up.”
- “There’s gonna be this thing called Facebook. Also, Twitter, YouTube, Pandora, Pinterest, and blogging. Things will ‘go viral’ and rather than run for the rubber gloves and masks, you will run for your iPad. Oh, the iPad… It’s a big touch screen with Internet access and games. You love it. These things will change the way you spend your time. It’s OK though, because they change the way everyone spends their time, so you’re all in the same boat. But go outside now and then, mmkay? Also, you will never own a landline. And you don’t even have your own cell yet, right? Hey, is Dad still carrying that pager?”
- “Your little brother (Corey, you’ve met) will be one of your three best friends in a couple years, and he has yet to relinquish that spot. You’ll briefly consider asking him to be the Man of Honor in your wedding (congrats on that, by the way). I KNOW. But I promise, he’s actually kind of OK. Not now, but later. He becomes OK. Less like Charlie Brown, more like… I don’t know, like a funny Eeyore who knows things about sports. You’ll also start hanging out with your parents for fun. Like on Friday and Saturday nights. You’re laughing, but I would never lie to you, Little Kelley. All of this is totally true.”
- “Stretch more, and work on strengthening your left ankle (the one you always rolled and twisted in tap class). This will save your left knee and eventually your left hip. Yes, you have bad hips at 27. You will feel old and creaky when you sit still too long. It hurts, and as it is impossible to rest a hip, it will continue to hurt. So stretch, yah?”
- “Don’t pay any attention to anything named Bieber or Kardashian.”
- “You’ll like John Mayer as much in the future as you do now. You’ll feel kind of bad about it though because he turns into a total womanizing douchebag. But he continues to write songs that make you feel better, or sometimes worse, whichever is appropriate, and that is good.”
- “Don’t date that one guy, do date that other one, and marry the one you do. Oh, his name is Joe. How cool is it that you know the name of your future husband, Little Kelley?! You won’t be overly excited about him when you first meet him, but you’re wrong. And for possibly the first time in your life, you’ll be OK with being wrong. Because that dude is a keeper. He’s really sweet and patient, and he will teach you that you don’t need drama in a relationship to be in love (you still think that, don’t you?). He will make you grow the hell up, but he will also take care of you with more willingness than anyone else, except maybe Mom and Dad, but that gets sad after you turn 23 or so. Also, he’s way cute and muscly and does the dishes. Well done, you.”
- “Finally, the picture below is not really you from high school. People didn’t obsessively upload pictures of themselves (or their friends, family, offspring, or meals) back then. I find this funny and feel pretty ancient, but it’s true. This picture is one your friend made online at a site called “Yearbook Yourself” which was all the rage four years ago. I don’t know how it works, but it makes for funny pictures. So, don’t worry, Little Kelley. You will not get an ill-advised perm in the next couple years. Or ever, I hope.”
Hey! This one was so fun, I did the original assignment and not the lazy one! Man, my awesomeness has been consistent since I was sixteen.
Good. My relationship with my parents is good. Is that not enough for you? Ok then…
At this point, I’m now 27 and married, my parents are more good friends who occasionally give good advice. Mom is still my first call when I have a cooking, cleaning, or illness question. We talk on the phone a few times a week usually (yeah, I’m that bad at being a housewife). We have similar interests (she got me into dance by showing me An American in Paris), but I don’t think our personalities are terribly similar, so we go about those interests in different ways. In fact, our personalities clash every now and then, which is why I conned my then-boyfriend, now-husband Joe into letting me move in with him after a measly nine months of dating – mom and I were struggling with living together after I graduated college. But, hey, that seemed to work out on all front, so I guess we’re all good!
I don’t talk to my dad as often on the phone, but I listen to him in the mornings and sometimes at night, so he remains a presence. Dad and I have similar personalities but not so many similar interests. Except the Packers. The Packers are awesome. I’m basically a Daddy’s Girl, and I think I have tended to have a blind spot when he screws up. I married a man who has weird things in common with him – not so much interests or personalities, but stupid things like having fake front teeth from similar childhood biking accidents. Does that make me warped? That might make me warped.
But I like my parents – I like hanging out with them. Their friends are my friends (or at least accept it gracefully when I’m around), and now some of their friends are my co-workers, so seeing them will be inescapable.
Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
This one could slow me down. Deep thinking is hard.
I think my three biggest fears all involve failure. (1) I fear that I will not be the teacher I think I can be. (2) I fear that I will not be a good mother (and that I will never develop any enthusiasm or real desire to become a mother, thus really preventing me from being a good mother). (3) And, finally (and hey, this has nothing to do with failing! [potentially]) I am afraid of breaking a bone. I’ve never done it. Twisted and sprained ankles aplenty growing up, but never any breaks. This makes for a lucky child and subsequently a paranoid adult who is afraid to do many things that could, on the outside chance, result in a broken bone. I guess it’s the fear of the unknown – since I have never known the pain of breaking a bone, I am terrified that I will not be able to deal.
Hey! I did it. And now that I go back and reread, I have another fear – do I suffer from an overuse of parentheses?
Oh, and birds. Those fuckers hate me.
- I hate ranch dressing.
- Growing up, I used to think about how I would do things differently than my teachers but never wrote any of it down because I swore I would never be a teacher (I was going to be famous, duh). Obviously, I am not good at predicting the future.
- Other things I said I would never do: get Lasik (strongly considering it), own an iPhone (counting down the days), and live in Rockford (does Machesney Park count?)
- I do not handle stress well.
- I’ve diagnosed myself with Dancer’s Hip (yes, it’s a real thing, and it hurts). You’re supposed to rest it as much as possible. Sadly, this means I can’t work out. So sad…
- It’s 90 degrees, and I’m wearing a cardigan right now.
- I’ve decided to drink more water because I think my life will just be better if I do. Sadly, beer bottles are so much easier to open.
- I used to hate beer. Ha!
- Foods that are neither solid nor liquid gross me out (yogurt, hummus,
- I have one tattoo one my left foot and will be getting another soon. I just need to finetune the design and location. Probably the right wrist.
That’s 10! I think the original was 20, but computer virus issues this morning prevented me from working on it. Day One – check!